• Alli Jaye

The Power of Now ~ to come into the present moment, to listen & deepen your connections

Updated: Dec 21, 2020

Being present in conversation requires a unique and vital skill that requires all parties of a conversation to be seated in the Now as a prerequisite to expand and deepen current human connections. Being human is more than having mostly two arms, two legs, a face, private parts and growing hair in all the right and wrong places. I talk in the form of being human as a way in which you adopt and interrelate with fellow humans. At first you may not find this to come at ease, though as you read through a little snippet of my story you will be able to see what resonates with you, and use the tools that I have provided for you at your own pleasure.

I have been pondering this concept for a short while as I interpret the relationships I have had over the past couple of years and how I now share with other humans. My experience has led to answers of enlightenment and a deeper understanding of how expanded I could become. I fluently would answer these self questions: How human can I be? Can I laugh, make mistakes, can I be myself, and how can I be there for others, will it bother someone if they know that I am not perfect? I asked myself these questions as I began to learn self-awareness and the print I could leave on others.

2016 I noticed how I was relating to people and began acknowledging how I can be better for other people and for me. I was in a relationship at the time and I noticed that I was very different in the way in which I interacted with other people. I was scared, intimidated by how everyone seemed so relaxed. I anticipated judgement from others, I didn't feel relaxed at all, often my words wouldn't come out and I would often drift off into my own thoughts and leave all my senses behind whilst I watched my mind do all the judging of self and others.

My partner at the time would always say to me "You should really read this book, I really think it would help you". Ignorant and full of ego at the time, I shrugged off the book until I desperately needed it and came to terms with myself that I no longer wanted to be listening into my minds thoughts and believing the things that it would tell me. I wanted to be able to have regular conversations and feel comfortable within myself and to deepen my relationships with my loved ones who surrounded me.

The book in which I am referring to is Elkhart Tolle, The Power of Now. I am old fashion and cannot get enough of the smells and sensations of holding a book in my hands however the link above will connect you to an audio version in which you can purchase. Nostalgia yes. My dear friend Elkhart Tolle whom we seem know not of each other though have you heard of him?

The first time I had read the book, I noticed that it helped me to recognise how identified I was with my mind and my ego. My mind was identified with my ego and it was taking me out of the present moment, out of important conversations, out of living through my heart, as me. As I re-read the book, three or four times over, I found the teachings had become more instilled in my body and that I was adopting new belief systems and thought patterns in which were more healthy and proactive for my sense of self worth, confidence and abilities to be relaxed and comfortable in who I was.

Elkhart Tolle's books really highlighted that most of my insecurities were because I was so identified with the thoughts that were being created in my mind by my ego, that I had no real understanding of actually how the world and people around me perceived me. My ego identified mind was telling myself lies after lies, that I was not good enough, undeserving, that I should already be at a place in the future, not perfect and all the things that were not nice. If you can hear or relate to what I am saying and have any form of relation to this I will say it: The Power of Now will help you see your mind for what it really is and allow you to choose and keep thoughts that are relevant to reality, the actual, to engage with your senses of sight, sound, touch, taste and smell to live in a more peaceful and realness manner. In time, and a lot of self-work later of shifting my focus and thought patterns, and self-belief systems I was able to choose positive stories about myself to live in the present moment with the knowledge of the Power of Now to form and deepen connections and relationships with others.

In this book, I learnt to be able to be in a state of no mind to connect with other human beings, I can say that is has been one of the most powerful and important shifts in my life. This involved listening and sharing my human qualities and experiences of joy, excitement, and fear with others. I noticed through reading and listening that I was able to share and talk in conversation more freely and be more myself. I felt judgement from others slip away. I was living and breathing into exactly how I wanted to be.

I feel a lot of the really important part to be human and connect on a deeper level is to quiet judgment from the mind and to listen and to really hear what your friend, college, family member or acquaintance is trying to tell you. As you listen, vital questions can be asked to deepen the interpretation of knowledge of what is going on. The more interested you are in them, the more interested they can be with you and the lesser the mind can be attached with ego and judgement. The quality in which you begin to know a person improves which I believe is really cool as you can develop a lifelong positive relationship with a friend, lover or work college.

Delving into the selflessness that may come with forming this idea about being present, being in the now, acknowledging the Power of the Now, and becoming more human for humans. I began developing feelings of empowerment. I felt a gain in understanding myself more and how creative I could become with the language that I used, the topics of conversation I could extend upon and the people who I could speak these conversations with. I can honestly say since appreciating what I have in front of me and using all of my senses as best that I can and using the tools that I have, a light has shone on gratitude of what has been presented to me in life in the form of personal growth as personalised gifts. I am so grateful to be able to live from my heart instead of my mind to have love and gratitude for (I am going to be real) most things.

As I let go of unwanted/ undesirable thoughts I further develop and transform friendships with others as well as myself. I let go of people who are not allowing me to shine and overall increase my happiness.

Activity Time

If you feel that your mind is often or sometimes bogged up by irrelevant thoughts, repeated thoughts, mental movies, past or future events or feelings of unhappiness I believe that you can reassess that quality of your mind and thought processes and begin to re-design what your mind can look like. You can do one of the three things in which will bring you into the present moment to deepen your connection with others. All these activities when repeated will help you to notice how present you are with yourself and in conversation, and can help you to further deepen your connections and relationships with friends, family and lovers. You might even like to grab your special person whoever that may be and do these activities together as another way of forming a special connection with someone.

1) Read: The Power of Now

Be patient as you watch your mind think whilst your read. Notice what thoughts are happening in your mind.

2) Meditate

Read the follow and begin to practice with your eyes open or closed.

Sit in a comfortable seated position and begin to close down your eyes and follow your breath as it enters through your nostrils and out of your mouth. Notice your belly rise and fall with the inward and outward breath. Look into your mind and see what your mind is thinking and ask yourself the following questions: what am I thinking? Is what I am thinking relevant to what I am doing now? Am I being stuck to a thought? Do I repeat my thought? As you sit with yourself and notice yourself answering these questions allow the thoughts to come and go. Imagine your thoughts like traffic on the road and you are sitting on the side of the road watching your thoughts go by without running into the centre of thought traffic and grabbing onto a thought that may cause a certain reaction or feeling in the body being: fear, sadness, judgement or joy. Notice the thoughts arise and let them go down a stream as you allow the next thought to enter, then let that thought float away whilst a new thought enters.

Continue to watch your thoughts between 2 - 5 minutes and understand what thoughts keep popping into your mind. Write them down. Do they make you feel good or bad and decide: Do you want to keep thinking this thought? As you do this you have now entered meta-cognition where you are now aware of your thoughts and in the position to choose to keep the thoughts which are in the best interest of yourself and others to be able to deepen your connections with self and others. Meta-cognition helps you to sift through what feels good and what doesn't feel good, to bring you into the present moment.

3) Listening partner activity

Listening is underestimated as being one of the most vital and important skills of becoming human. Quiet your mind by tuning into the sounds of the person who you are talking to. What are they saying, what are they trying to say? Hear the person without creating mental noise in your mind aka talking to yourself, being distracted by other thoughts: judgement, disinterest or excitement. You should only be hearing the words that are coming from their mouth. Listen without judgment & rephrase what they have said to you.

Activity: Try this by sitting in a comfortable position with a friend, sexual partner or someone you can trust and let them talk to you. Choose a topic of interest or you can use one of the following: how you have shown strength/ what you are proud of. Take turns in talking for 1 minute each. Whilst one person is talking the other person is listening, and only listening, doing their best to listen as closely and as carefully to what the other person is saying without interrupting, adding advice, or sharing a story that may somehow relate to theirs. Once the minute is over, repeat back to the person what they have said to you and discuss what was actually said. It is usually a good indication of the current quality of your listening skills and how it may have been in the past. You might like to question yourself if your mind was busy chatting to you whilst you were trying to listen or if your wanted to make an input into the conversation. Then swap roles. To deepen your connections with your sexual partner you might like to choose a more easy topic to begin with to get into the rhythm of listening and then begin to deepen the topics of interest.

As we share our stories, it allows others to be humbled and share their stories too.

Thank you for being here on my page.

Alli x

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